): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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