i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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