There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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