Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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