Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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