If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
