The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
