all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Randomize
