Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Randomize
