i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
That accounts for only three of the penises
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
