I want to walk on stilts...naked
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
