Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
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Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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