yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
