Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
