I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
