Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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