ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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