Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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