dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
