I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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