I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
