um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize