Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
