You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
