I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
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