I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
