just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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