I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
