end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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