Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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