she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
