You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
