I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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