Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
