As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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