I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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