Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
