Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
