if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Randomize
