I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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