is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
