it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Randomize
