best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
