Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
