life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
