Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
