Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
