Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
