did you get engaged???
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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