No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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