the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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