Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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