Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
