Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
