maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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