Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
don't judge my taste in strippers
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
