My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
