OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
