That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
