It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I had to cum in my sink.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
