You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
