she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
