So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
