all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
