I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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