When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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