Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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