I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
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His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
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The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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