Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
