some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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