If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
