honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
please come you make the beer taste better
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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