Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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