I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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