My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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