I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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