Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
