No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
