yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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