im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
