why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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