Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
