Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
