i jhust puked up my retainher.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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